My 1st blog.

Well, let me start off by saying hello to anyone who is reading my blogs. I'm somewhat nervous about letting all of my thought all out in the open to the world, to people I've never met. But I am willing to give it a try. I don't even blog on my Myspace web page, Or on my Uncles family web page.

I just moved to Indianapolis, In a little over a month ago from, Toledo, Oh. This is the 1st time I've ever moved away from home, and I've been getting home sick alot. I find myself wanting to go back home even though I know I wouldn't be happy there. It's very easy for me to become depressed and feeling like the world and God hates me. But I can say I've been better now that I'm in Indianapolis, In. I've been down and out (( depressed like)) every once and a while here. But this is only because I have not found a job, But I did start school.

I also found myself in a relationship that I wasn't planning on getting into. And there has been more downs this past few days than ups. I've been in tears, the pain in my head just wont seem to go away and all the 2nd thoughts I'm having is pushing me away from all of this. I'm not going to say I don't have a wonderful girlfriend. But and yes there is a but, She seems like she's never been in a real relationship before. We don't see eye to eye on anything. She doesn't want to give me my space. And everything seems to have to go her way.

I sometimes feel like I'm talking to a fucking wall when trying to hold a conversation with her. Goes in one ear and come out the other. And I always have to explain things over and over and over + some just for her to understand me. She picks fights with me, Why? I don't know. I don't handle things well when I'm already pissed and don't want to talk. And someone feels there going to make me talk to them. This is how she is, she feels she can make me talk to her. If I don't feel like talking or hearing what anyone has to say. I wont.

Now my ex. She wants me back in Toledo but what she dont seem to understand is that I wasn't happy there. But she saids her and her gf are here for me if I need somewhere to go because my gf here wont stop drving me fuckin nuts...I love my ex, But I dont feel as deep as it use to be.

Back to me. Been here in Indianapolis, In for over a month and still have not found a job. I am not use to not working or not having money. I am not the type who depends on someone to take care of me. So I've been really down about that also. Oh and I'm about to lose my car that I've had for four years. My 1st car. How do I feel about that..?